This Week in Non-Sports News

Now the World Don’t Move!

Gary Coleman Cited for Disorderly Conduct

PROVO, Utah – Former child star Gary Coleman was cited for disorderly conduct after witnesses said they saw him in a heated argument with a woman in a parking lot.

Gary Coleman, 39, and the woman were in his vehicle discussing their relationship Friday night when two eye witnesses reported seeing him hit the steering wheel with his hands.

When police arrived on the scene, Gary Coleman was noticeably excited and loud. “At one point he exited his vehicle, waving his arms, yelling, ‘No, seriously! What are you talkin’ ‘bout, woman?!’” Capt. Cliff Argyle said.

With vehicles unable to exit the parking lot due to Gary Coleman’s actions, motorists became irate, and were like: “Honk, honk! Get out the way, Gary Coleman!”

Once officers were on the scene, Gary Coleman cooperated, moving his car. When officers pointed out that he cannot block traffic “like he owns the place,” Coleman responded, “Hey, what might be right for you, may not be right for some.”

Shortly thereafter, Gary Coleman’s female companion blurted out several obscenities, to which Gary Coleman responded, “I’ma man of means, baby! You got nuttin’ but your jeans!”

The disorderly conduct citation is a misdemeanor punishable by up to three months in jail and a $750 fine.

Gary Coleman moved to Santaquin, about 55 miles south of Salt Lake City, in 2005, around the time he starred in “Church Ball,” a comedy based on basketball leagues formed by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Coleman once fought a bitter legal battle with his parents over whether he was fit to handle his own affairs. In 1999, he pleaded no contest to disturbing the peace after he punched an autograph-seeker he claimed insulted him.

With that, let’s take a stroll down memory lane with Gary Coleman.

(A special thanks to Alan Thicke, who co-wrote the theme to “Diff’rent Strokes”—guess we know where his son Robin gets his musical genius.)