No one asked, but I'm telling

Sorry to interrupt Adam's multiple post epic on how to beat up Anderson Cooper (answer: tell him he has a hair out of place and then punch him in the groin when he panics), but I'm ready to roll out my NFL Power Rankings. Kind of a pointless task this season, since it really is the Patriots and everybody else, but I always enjoy the art of placing increasingly mediocre teams in some kind of order based on pretty much nothing.

So here goes. I may do another one of these at some point this season. I may not. Depends.

Ladies and germs, your 2007 Week 10 NFL Power Dower Dippsy Doo Rankeroos:

1. New England – Head and shoulders above the rest.
   
   
2. Dallas – They gave Pats their closest game, and have been very good nearly every week.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh – Getting more impressive by the week now, but those losses to bad teams still scare me. The comeback against the resurgent Browns was more impressive than most think.
   
   
4. Indy – Injuries are starting to take their toll. Peyton and company will have to go back to outscoring every opponent. They can do it, though.
   
   
5. Green Bay – Favre is the best story of the season. A matchup against the Pats in the Super Bowl would be good vs. evil. And a TV ratings bonanza. Probably wouldn’t be a close game, though.
   
   
6. New York Giants – Despite the stumble against the Cowboys, this might be the NFC’s best team. But troubling signs are popping up: Burress has been slowed and seems injured, and this is about the time of year when Giants teams of the past have gotten sick of Coughlin’s bullshit and essentially mutinied. We’ll see.
   
   
7. Tampa Bay – Here’s a team that no one is talking about. Not sure how Gruden is doing it, but they’re in good position for the playoffs. Yep, coaching matters.
   
   
8. San Diego – With the kind of talent this team has, appearing this low on the rankings this late in the season seems insane. But they eeked out a win over Indy on a night when they caught 6 interceptions. Only an uncharacteristic Vinateiri gak job saved them from a loss. Poor Norv. Yep, coaching matters.
   
   
9. Cleveland – The Browns might have the most explosive offense in the game. Wasn’t Romeo a defensive guy in New England. I like this team slipping into the playoffs, and they’re looking good for years to come.
   
   
10. Seattle – And here’s about where we start to run out of good teams. What do I like about Seattle? Um…the coffee? And even that is overrated. They’re over .500, so slot ‘em here, though there was nothing impressive about shutting out San Fran. My dog could shut out San Fran.
    
    
11. Arizona – If Warner can keep his wing healthy, this team has talent to make the playoffs. They’re playing better each week, and they actually have a decent home field advantage out there now. The wonders never cease.
    
    
12. Jacksonville – I gotta be honest. I haven’t seen this team play once this season. I do know that they’re getting their starting QB back from injury this week and they’re somehow 6-3. Maybe I should have them higher.
    
    
13. Tennesee – Vince Young has 4 TDs and 10 INTs. Both numbers are higher than his Wunderlic score.
    
    
14. Philadelphia – This is the team to watch in the NFC Wild Card race. McNabb is showing signs that he’s healthy again, Westbrook is simply an offensive machine, and if those guys are healthy, I’d put this team up against any in the NFC. They were lucky to win in DC, but I think it might launch them to a real reversal in the second half of the season.
    
    
15. Washington – Introducing the worst-coached team in the NFL, and it pains me to say that as a Redskins fan. Joe Gibbs is one of my heroes, but he’s clearly not all there anymore. Watching him stand befuddled and confused on the sidelines has gone beyond infuriating – it’s actually quite sad at this point. The team has good young talent on both sides of the ball, but it’ll take another coach to do anything with it. It hasn’t helped that injuries have ravaged about 30% of the team’s starters.
    
    
16. Detroit – Yeah, I know they’re 6-3, but I’m not a believer. I still say Kitna will be wrong about his 10-win prediction. This team will stumble to the finish, and will keep dropping.
    
    
17. Minnesota – The only reason to watch this team is Adrian Peterson, and now he’s hurt (There goes my fantasy payday, by the way). There’s no reason to watch this team anymore.
    
    
18. New Orleans – I admit it. I was buying into the Saints last week as a legit contender in the NFC. But a home loss to the Rams? Are you freaking kidding me?
    
    
19. Cincinnati – Ah, it’s mid November and the Bengals are completely out of it. The world makes sense again.
    
    
20. Buffalo – Should be a Sunday night massacre against the Patriots this weekend.
    
    
21. Houston – I keep thinking this team is on the rise, and I still believe that Matt Schaub is going to be a top tier NFL QB.
    
    
22. Kansas City – WTF is with this team’s mascot. It’s like a wolf or something. It’s stupid.
    
    
23. Denver – John Elway was interviewed on the radio this morning about teens and safe driving. That was far more interesting than his old team has been this season. It’s not often that the Broncos suck, but they sure do this year.
    
    
24. Atlanta – Michael Vick might be glad he’s missing this debacle. Nah, probably not. Either way, this season has long since gone to the dogs.
    
    
25. Carolina – With Vinny Testarverde down with an injury, the Panthers this week contacted Bubby Brister. But they didn’t leave a message.
    
    
26. Chicago – Yeah, Grossman is definitely the answer. This should change everything. It’s hard to believe this team made the Super Bowl last season. Egads.
    
    
27. Baltimore – The offense stinks – as usual – but the defense is no great shakes either. And that’s a bad combo in my book.
    
    
28. New York Jets – This team is not as bad as its record. The bet here is that it surprises some teams as the season winds down.
    
    
29. Oakland – Just lose, baby.
    
    
30. St. Louis – Steven Jackson killed a lot of fantasy owners this season. Try the toasted ravioli next time you visit. Perfecto!
    
    
31. Miami – I know they’re winless, but I like the move to the rookie QB. I bet they win a couple games down the stretch. Question to ponder: How much luster would it take off the franchise if they add the only winless NFL team in 16-game history to go with the only undefeated SB champ in league history. Probably not much, I guess.
    
    
32. San Francisco – This team is actually painful to watch. It’s amazing that so many pundits had them tabbed as playoff contenders in the preseason. Pundits suck.

Week 3 picks

It's our first weekly pickoff against the guys at Metcalfupthemiddle - www.metcalfupthemiddle.blogspot.com. The temptation here is to talk a little smack at these dudes, but they root for the Browns, you know? Ya kinda feel bad picking on Browns fans - don't they have enough trouble as it is? So here we go, MUTM, get read to take it UTA.

Steelskins week 3 picks

Aaron's picks

Week 3
	Winner
Lions at Eagles	Eagles
Dolphins at Jets	Jets
Vikings at Chiefs	Vikings
49ers at Steelers	Steelers
Colts at Texans	Colts
Cardinals at Ravens	Ravens
Rams at Buccaneers	Bucs
Bills at Patriots	Patriots
Chargers at Packers	Chargers
Browns at Raiders	Raiders
Bengals at Seahawks	Seahawks
Jaguars at Broncos	Broncos
Panthers at Falcons	Panthers
Giants at Redskins	Redskins
Cowboys at Bears	Cowboys
Titans at Saints	Titans

Sean's picks

Week 3
	Winner
Lions at Eagles	Lions
Dolphins at Jets	Jets
Vikings at Chiefs	Vikings
49ers at Steelers	Steelers
Colts at Texans	Colts
Cardinals at Ravens	Ravens
Rams at Buccaneers	St. Louis
Bills at Patriots	Patriots
Chargers at Packers	Packers
Browns at Raiders	Raiders
Bengals at Seahawks	Bengals
Jaguars at Broncos	Broncos
Panthers at Falcons	Panthers
Giants at Redskins	Redskins
Cowboys at Bears	Cowboys
Titans at Saints	Titans

Austin's picks

	Winner
Lions at Eagles	Lions
Dolphins at Jets	Dolphins
Vikings at Chiefs	Vikings
49ers at Steelers	Steelers
olts at Texans	Colts
Cardinals at Ravens	Ravens
Rams at Buccaneers	Rams
Bills at Patriots	Pats
Chargers at Packers	Chargers
Browns at Raiders	Brownies
Bengals at Seahawk	Seahawks
Jaguars at Broncos	Broncos
Panthers at Falcons	Panthers
Giants at Redskins	Redskins
Cowboys at Bears	Bears
Titans at Saints	Saints

For gods sake Grey Lady, just say it

This is how the NY Times played the Greg Oden injury story. It's one way to put it, I guess:

Oden’s Career Is Delayed by Surgery

I guess that's better than:

Portland fans bent over, rammed up the ass

By HOWARD BECK

Published: September 14, 2007

Greg Oden was stamped a franchise savior the moment the Portland Trail Blazers made him the No. 1 pick in the June draft. As he emerged yesterday morning from a knee operation that will probably wipe out his rookie season, Oden felt the full force of that burden.

Jae C. Hong/Associated Press

A promising career, and a franchise’s anticipated rebirth, were delayed when the 19-year-old Oden had microfracture surgery on his right knee.

Beating a dead horse

Steelers Punk, er, I mean DL Brett Kiesel was fined $12,500 for his cheapshot on Campbell. Though I think a more fitting punishment would have been to let LaRon Landry hit Kiesel below the knees after a running start (How you like me now Kiesel!), at least it's an acknowledgement that the hit was, in fact, cheap, illegal, and all-around no good. And that's all I got to say about that.

Steelers couldn't spell cat... yada yada yada

The Steelers may be the preeminent current practitioners of dirty, lowdown, possibly career-ending hits, but they certainly weren't the founders of the cheap hit. Like most lunkheads, Steelers are strictly followers, and the franchise seems to have been plagued by the stupidity virus since its very inception. You remember Hollywood Henderson's quote about Bradshaw's spelling ablities, of course.

So no, Steelers don't have enough brain cells to come up with the best way to utilize the dirty, cheap, a**hole hit. Apparently, it took a "genius". Check out who SI's Dr. Z thinks thunk up the whole hit 'em below the knees idea:

Tough question from Clay of L.A. Says he has great respect for Bill Walsh, but was Walsh the real architect of the vicious 49ers chop block scheme? "I would love it if you said this question was just silly, but it's bugging me, so I thought I'd ask."

You're not going to like my answer. My feeling is that yes, it was his baby. I mean, Bobb McKittrick didn't think this up all by himself. I'm guessing it was a collaboration of the two. I could never pin it down. The closest I came was I a conversation I had with Russ Francis, the tight end, the night before a Redskins game.

"You want to seem like a genius in the press box?" he said. I certainly did. "Before our first play, tell everyone that there's gonna be a fight."

What? Says which? How come?

"Our first play will be a run left, wide, and what they've got me doing is splitting out and coming back and cracking on Dexter Manley, at knee level." Low crackbacks were allowed in those days.

Sure enough, Manley and Francis went at it after the first play, but the difference was that Francis took him on high, not low. I talked to him about it afterward.

"When we came back to the bench, they all yelled at me," he said. "'We told you to cut him!' I said, "'Did he make the tackle?' There's no way in the world I would do it, and that's what I told Dexter when he jumped me. He calmed down."

"Who told you? Whose idea was that block?" I asked him, but all he would do was shake his head. "Who do you think?" he said. I've heard this from other sources, too.

Take cover, T.O.

So I really don't have any delusions of grandeur that the Skins will be anything more than a .500 team this season - I could live with 8-8, as long as the team is consistently entertaining, a feat it never really managed with any consistency while Jurassic Mark Brunell was under center.

The offense has looked as awful as ever in the opening preseason games, but the defense has shown signs of returning to 2004/2005 form, when it was consistently good, and sometimes dominant. And if the offense doesn't entertain, the sight of Sean Taylor and rookie LaRon Landry hammering WRs as they cross the middle of the field will certainly be worth a few rewinds on Tivo over the course of the year. I image TO will simply assume the fetal position if Fatso Wade Phillips asks him to run a crossing pattern against the Skins safeties.

The only "Holy Shit" moment of the Skins preseason so far came on this play, when Landry came flying out of nowhere to take down the helpless Kerry Collins. Watch how fast he gets to the QB:

I'll say it again: Holy Shit.

Oh, and I like the Skins move today to trade for disgruntled Jets OT Pete Kendall, even if he's a BC guy. It shores up what was looking like an enormous hole in the O-line, as Post hack, er, beat writer Jason La Canfora pointed out the other day in his hatchet job on the Skins front office (JLC was particularly unkind to rookie LT Stephon Heyer in the piece, which is particularly unfair since the undrafted Heyer has done a serviceable job filling in for Chris Samuels this preseason). If Samuels is back for the opener, the addition of he and Kendall is a huge upgrade on the O-Line, and means JC might not end up spending 70% of the game with tuchus-on-turf, as it were.
Maybe 9-7 is a possibility, after all.

You don't even need Caruso

to solve these crimes

Stay classy, Steelers fans

Apparently, they don't like the deaf in Steel City

So...

now that the Steelers have completed their melodrama, can we get an update on something far more important: The Steelskins Playoff Pool standings?

Boss Hog Movie Review: Children of Men

Quick take: Excellent movie. Go see it.

How it would have been different if Joe Gibbs had directed it instead of Alfonso Cuaron: It would have starred Mark Brunell instead of Clive Owen as the hero, and the woman who becomes the first pregnant woman in 20 years would have been played by Clinton Portis in drag. The film would not have worked nearly as well.

What it can tell us about the future of the Redskins: Well, the movie is set in 2027, and cities around the world are in chaos. There is a shot of New York burning and in rubble, which indicated to me that the Redskins had just been in town playing the Giants and, as usual, the outcome had been disastrous. But maybe I was reading too much into it. There was no explicit mention of the Redskins, which says to me that even in 2027 they likely still suck.

Oh yeah, this should fix everything

So the Skins announced the shit-canning of LB coach Dale Lindsey yesterday. Lindsey is best known for having an enormous man-crush on Warrick Holdman and publicly dissing former Skins star Lavar Arrington just prior to the Giants game last October. For the record, the Skins showed much support for Lindsey's bravado, by promptly going out and getting their jocks handed to them by Lavar and the G-men (twice, in fact).

Joe Gibbs neglected to hold a press conference to announce the firing, choosing instead to send both interested reporters a micro-cassette recording of himself saying "He coached his guts out" over, and over. And over. And over.

In any case, it is clear now that last season's utter disappointment was entirely this clown Lindsey's fault, and now that he is gone, the Redskins are in great position to make a Super Bowl run next season. Just so long as Brunell is healthy enough to start come the season opener.

Fare thee well, Good Sir Lindsey. You coached your guts out, and around here, that's all we ask.