No one asked, but I'm telling

Sorry to interrupt Adam's multiple post epic on how to beat up Anderson Cooper (answer: tell him he has a hair out of place and then punch him in the groin when he panics), but I'm ready to roll out my NFL Power Rankings. Kind of a pointless task this season, since it really is the Patriots and everybody else, but I always enjoy the art of placing increasingly mediocre teams in some kind of order based on pretty much nothing.

So here goes. I may do another one of these at some point this season. I may not. Depends.

Ladies and germs, your 2007 Week 10 NFL Power Dower Dippsy Doo Rankeroos:

1. New England – Head and shoulders above the rest.
   
   
2. Dallas – They gave Pats their closest game, and have been very good nearly every week.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh – Getting more impressive by the week now, but those losses to bad teams still scare me. The comeback against the resurgent Browns was more impressive than most think.
   
   
4. Indy – Injuries are starting to take their toll. Peyton and company will have to go back to outscoring every opponent. They can do it, though.
   
   
5. Green Bay – Favre is the best story of the season. A matchup against the Pats in the Super Bowl would be good vs. evil. And a TV ratings bonanza. Probably wouldn’t be a close game, though.
   
   
6. New York Giants – Despite the stumble against the Cowboys, this might be the NFC’s best team. But troubling signs are popping up: Burress has been slowed and seems injured, and this is about the time of year when Giants teams of the past have gotten sick of Coughlin’s bullshit and essentially mutinied. We’ll see.
   
   
7. Tampa Bay – Here’s a team that no one is talking about. Not sure how Gruden is doing it, but they’re in good position for the playoffs. Yep, coaching matters.
   
   
8. San Diego – With the kind of talent this team has, appearing this low on the rankings this late in the season seems insane. But they eeked out a win over Indy on a night when they caught 6 interceptions. Only an uncharacteristic Vinateiri gak job saved them from a loss. Poor Norv. Yep, coaching matters.
   
   
9. Cleveland – The Browns might have the most explosive offense in the game. Wasn’t Romeo a defensive guy in New England. I like this team slipping into the playoffs, and they’re looking good for years to come.
   
   
10. Seattle – And here’s about where we start to run out of good teams. What do I like about Seattle? Um…the coffee? And even that is overrated. They’re over .500, so slot ‘em here, though there was nothing impressive about shutting out San Fran. My dog could shut out San Fran.
    
    
11. Arizona – If Warner can keep his wing healthy, this team has talent to make the playoffs. They’re playing better each week, and they actually have a decent home field advantage out there now. The wonders never cease.
    
    
12. Jacksonville – I gotta be honest. I haven’t seen this team play once this season. I do know that they’re getting their starting QB back from injury this week and they’re somehow 6-3. Maybe I should have them higher.
    
    
13. Tennesee – Vince Young has 4 TDs and 10 INTs. Both numbers are higher than his Wunderlic score.
    
    
14. Philadelphia – This is the team to watch in the NFC Wild Card race. McNabb is showing signs that he’s healthy again, Westbrook is simply an offensive machine, and if those guys are healthy, I’d put this team up against any in the NFC. They were lucky to win in DC, but I think it might launch them to a real reversal in the second half of the season.
    
    
15. Washington – Introducing the worst-coached team in the NFL, and it pains me to say that as a Redskins fan. Joe Gibbs is one of my heroes, but he’s clearly not all there anymore. Watching him stand befuddled and confused on the sidelines has gone beyond infuriating – it’s actually quite sad at this point. The team has good young talent on both sides of the ball, but it’ll take another coach to do anything with it. It hasn’t helped that injuries have ravaged about 30% of the team’s starters.
    
    
16. Detroit – Yeah, I know they’re 6-3, but I’m not a believer. I still say Kitna will be wrong about his 10-win prediction. This team will stumble to the finish, and will keep dropping.
    
    
17. Minnesota – The only reason to watch this team is Adrian Peterson, and now he’s hurt (There goes my fantasy payday, by the way). There’s no reason to watch this team anymore.
    
    
18. New Orleans – I admit it. I was buying into the Saints last week as a legit contender in the NFC. But a home loss to the Rams? Are you freaking kidding me?
    
    
19. Cincinnati – Ah, it’s mid November and the Bengals are completely out of it. The world makes sense again.
    
    
20. Buffalo – Should be a Sunday night massacre against the Patriots this weekend.
    
    
21. Houston – I keep thinking this team is on the rise, and I still believe that Matt Schaub is going to be a top tier NFL QB.
    
    
22. Kansas City – WTF is with this team’s mascot. It’s like a wolf or something. It’s stupid.
    
    
23. Denver – John Elway was interviewed on the radio this morning about teens and safe driving. That was far more interesting than his old team has been this season. It’s not often that the Broncos suck, but they sure do this year.
    
    
24. Atlanta – Michael Vick might be glad he’s missing this debacle. Nah, probably not. Either way, this season has long since gone to the dogs.
    
    
25. Carolina – With Vinny Testarverde down with an injury, the Panthers this week contacted Bubby Brister. But they didn’t leave a message.
    
    
26. Chicago – Yeah, Grossman is definitely the answer. This should change everything. It’s hard to believe this team made the Super Bowl last season. Egads.
    
    
27. Baltimore – The offense stinks – as usual – but the defense is no great shakes either. And that’s a bad combo in my book.
    
    
28. New York Jets – This team is not as bad as its record. The bet here is that it surprises some teams as the season winds down.
    
    
29. Oakland – Just lose, baby.
    
    
30. St. Louis – Steven Jackson killed a lot of fantasy owners this season. Try the toasted ravioli next time you visit. Perfecto!
    
    
31. Miami – I know they’re winless, but I like the move to the rookie QB. I bet they win a couple games down the stretch. Question to ponder: How much luster would it take off the franchise if they add the only winless NFL team in 16-game history to go with the only undefeated SB champ in league history. Probably not much, I guess.
    
    
32. San Francisco – This team is actually painful to watch. It’s amazing that so many pundits had them tabbed as playoff contenders in the preseason. Pundits suck.