SteelSkins Boast Post

I'm a little proud of this one, so I thought I'd post it to the SteelSkins site, as well as the Metcalf Up the Middle site. After all, this post stars Billy frickin' Zabka.

Since the SteelSkins have handed yet another loss to Metcalf Up the Middle, we thought we’d honor this occasion with some foreshadowing: Don’t worry NFL, the Steelers (once again) have got your backs.

What the dismal Browns (albeit, at 4-3 they’re not as dismal as they usually are) failed to do back in Week 5—what some pundits are now calling for—the Steelers sell in dime bags.

Yes, it’s about time we take the pundits seriously. Finally, people are calling for Tom Brady’s knees. And why not? Belichick and his cheating Patriots have now run up the score on all 8 of their opponents (what, with their fancy fake spikes and keeping their starters in despite a 42-point lead). And while Cleveland, along with the rest of the league, failed to do much of anything to their former coach while happily accepting their 34-17 defeat, the Pittsburgh Steelers have never failed to excel in the “accidental low hit” category.

You may ask, why the Steelers, and why not the Browns? Excellent question. And to be honest, we here at SteelSkins are equally stumped as to why the Browns’ veins, which normally flow with red vengeance toward the countless teams that have embarrassed them (insert Broncos, insert Steelers, insert Art Modell, insert…the league), why were those same veins flowing with pink pansy goodness during Week 5 against the Pats? The Brownies should have been foaming at the mouths for the opportunity to crush Tom Brady and give their former coach his first loss of the season. It just goes to show, if it’s Brown, flush it down.

The Steelers, on the other hand, proved two things this pre-season: 1. You don’t need a fatty named Kimo von Oelhoffen to put a quarterback’s season in jeopardy; and 2. Just like Charlie Hustle in an All-Star game, we always go all out.

So let this be a warning to you, Coach Belichick: If you keep up the shenanigans, you’ll pay a hefty price, come Week 14. A price not paid since Ralph Macchio last met up with Billy “Sweep the Leg” Zabka.