Kevin Colbert, the Pittsburgh Steelers GM, catches up on some much needed rest during the NFL free agency period.
Meanwhile, Daniel Snyder, Redskins owner, is calling a press conference at 3pm to announce his latest $30 million signing:
Dear Joe Gibbs:
For Christmas, I will buy you a car. Hell, three cars, but if I do, that football has got to go. Don't worry, it looks like your poop. So you won't miss it. And it won't miss you.
Dear Marvin Lewis:
I guess coaching God's Linebacker in Baltimore made you think that you could draft questionable characters and still get results on the field. Well, it's true. But you didn't learn another thing from God's Linebacker, or He Who Sanctioned But Did Not Commit--So, You Must Acquit!--Murder Because It Is God's Will: Don't draft pussies.
Chad Johnson: If he acts like a transvestite when he scores, maybe he is. He even has a stage name!
T.J. Housmenzadeh: This guy is prettier than your wife.
Carson Palmer: He's like Troy Aikman, but gayer.
P.S. Don't play grabass with the refs, either. It's unprofessional.
Steelers Punk, er, I mean DL Brett Kiesel was fined $12,500 for his cheapshot on Campbell. Though I think a more fitting punishment would have been to let LaRon Landry hit Kiesel below the knees after a running start (How you like me now Kiesel!), at least it's an acknowledgement that the hit was, in fact, cheap, illegal, and all-around no good. And that's all I got to say about that.
So I really don't have any delusions of grandeur that the Skins will be anything more than a .500 team this season - I could live with 8-8, as long as the team is consistently entertaining, a feat it never really managed with any consistency while Jurassic Mark Brunell was under center.
The offense has looked as awful as ever in the opening preseason games, but the defense has shown signs of returning to 2004/2005 form, when it was consistently good, and sometimes dominant. And if the offense doesn't entertain, the sight of Sean Taylor and rookie LaRon Landry hammering WRs as they cross the middle of the field will certainly be worth a few rewinds on Tivo over the course of the year. I image TO will simply assume the fetal position if Fatso Wade Phillips asks him to run a crossing pattern against the Skins safeties.
The only "Holy Shit" moment of the Skins preseason so far came on this play, when Landry came flying out of nowhere to take down the helpless Kerry Collins. Watch how fast he gets to the QB:
I'll say it again: Holy Shit.
Oh, and I like the Skins move today to trade for disgruntled Jets OT Pete Kendall, even if he's a BC guy. It shores up what was looking like an enormous hole in the O-line, as Post hack, er, beat writer Jason La Canfora pointed out the other day in his hatchet job on the Skins front office (JLC was particularly unkind to rookie LT Stephon Heyer in the piece, which is particularly unfair since the undrafted Heyer has done a serviceable job filling in for Chris Samuels this preseason). If Samuels is back for the opener, the addition of he and Kendall is a huge upgrade on the O-Line, and means JC might not end up spending 70% of the game with tuchus-on-turf, as it were.
Maybe 9-7 is a possibility, after all.
According to profootballtalk.com's Rumor Mill, the answer is no. But why? Not because of money, but personnel. According to the site:
With two big-money free agent linebackers -- Marcus Washington and London Fletcher-Baker -- already in the starting lineup, the 'Skins wouldn't be getting the best return on their investment in Washington, Fletcher-Baker, and Briggs.
Why? Because a defense has three linebackers on the field roughly half of the time.
In the nickel and dime defenses, linebackers are replaced by defensive backs. Teams use the nickel whenever the opponent brings in a third receiver. Typically, that happens in second and long or third and more than three or four yards.
According to profootballtalk.com, the Redskins had zero interest in signing former Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker Joey Porter. Why is that news? Well, as Florio says:
Need more evidence that the Fins overpaid for linebacker Joey Porter? We're told that the Washington Redskins, who never met a big-name free agent to whom they didn't want to give a sack full of large bills, had zero interest.
On behalf of Boss Hawg, I want to congratulate the Skins for their restraint. It's always the little steps that put you on the road to recovery. I believe that Porter actually could have a good year, playing opposite Jason Taylor, but was he worth the $20 million in guaranteed money the Dolphins gave him? I doubt it. And it's a given that if he signed with the Skins he would have stunk.
Quick take: Excellent movie. Go see it.
How it would have been different if Joe Gibbs had directed it instead of Alfonso Cuaron: It would have starred Mark Brunell instead of Clive Owen as the hero, and the woman who becomes the first pregnant woman in 20 years would have been played by Clinton Portis in drag. The film would not have worked nearly as well.
What it can tell us about the future of the Redskins: Well, the movie is set in 2027, and cities around the world are in chaos. There is a shot of New York burning and in rubble, which indicated to me that the Redskins had just been in town playing the Giants and, as usual, the outcome had been disastrous. But maybe I was reading too much into it. There was no explicit mention of the Redskins, which says to me that even in 2027 they likely still suck.
So the Skins announced the shit-canning of LB coach Dale Lindsey yesterday. Lindsey is best known for having an enormous man-crush on Warrick Holdman and publicly dissing former Skins star Lavar Arrington just prior to the Giants game last October. For the record, the Skins showed much support for Lindsey's bravado, by promptly going out and getting their jocks handed to them by Lavar and the G-men (twice, in fact).
Joe Gibbs neglected to hold a press conference to announce the firing, choosing instead to send both interested reporters a micro-cassette recording of himself saying "He coached his guts out" over, and over. And over. And over.
In any case, it is clear now that last season's utter disappointment was entirely this clown Lindsey's fault, and now that he is gone, the Redskins are in great position to make a Super Bowl run next season. Just so long as Brunell is healthy enough to start come the season opener.
Fare thee well, Good Sir Lindsey. You coached your guts out, and around here, that's all we ask.
3 Stiller fans and 1 Skins fan who like to mix it up on matters pigskin. Since our teams, respectively, stink,*** we will bitch alot and hold out faint hopes that a) During the offeseason the Redskins front office gets their head out their backsides and b) Bill Cowher hangs up the chin to spend quality time whittling and spittling off the front porch in the Carolina heat.
***BUT WAIT!!! The Steelers JUST MIGHT MAKE IT!!! Don't Give Up Hope! Okay, okay, I concede that it is possible, while noting that it is also improbable. I think one of the scenarios goes like this: JAX loses out, Jets win and then lose, KC has a moral victory that involves Herman Edwards singing Larry Johnson to sleep, and Tom Brady spends his nights alone sobbing for Bridget. So like I said, possible. But improbable.
Do I hear an echo?
