They Are Not Who We Thought They Once Were, But Now Are

Dear Joe Gibbs:For Christmas, I will buy you a car. Hell, three cars, but if I do, that football has got to go. Don't worry, it looks like your poop. So you won't miss it. And it won't miss you.

Dear Marvin Lewis:

I guess coaching God's Linebacker in Baltimore made you think that you could draft questionable characters and still get results on the field. Well, it's true. But you didn't learn another thing from God's Linebacker, or He Who Sanctioned But Did Not Commit--So, You Must Acquit!--Murder Because It Is God's Will: Don't draft pussies.

Chad Johnson: If he acts like a transvestite when he scores, maybe he is. He even has a stage name!











T.J. Housmenzadeh: This guy is prettier than your wife.









Carson Palmer: He's like Troy Aikman, but gayer.










P.S. Don't play grabass with the refs, either. It's unprofessional.