In Which Pats Homer Bill Simmons Finally Gets Unbearably Annoying About It

Me and Bill Simmons didn't get off on the right foot. The first article I read of his, way back in 01 or 02, was making fun of Kordell Stewart after a regular season dismantling of the Steelers by the Pats...you know, the one where Brady threw it 25 times in a row.

But I grew to like him, because he basically wrote as a fan, albeit one with an impressive pop culture knowledge. But the downside of his fan-ness is when it takes over, and his defensiveness over the Pats this season has become amazingly annoying. His most recent column devotes more than 3,500 words to grievance with the offciating of the Pats/Colts game, a game the Pats won, of course. There were some shaky calls, mostly the pass interferences, but these are also calls that are routinely screwed up by officials in almost every game, not only because the refs suck, but also because the current rules are so poorly written.

Such defensiveness stems from Simmons' Belichick-like refusal to call a spade a spade. He has vilified Eric Mangini, called him a snitch (btw, an extremely loaded word these days--given Carmelo Anthony's appearance in and "anti snitch" DVD, as well as the impact "snitching" has in Simmons' supposedly favorite show, The Wire) and defended the Pats by whining that "everybody does it." How can you say the Pats were "hard hit" by the punishment for cheating when they still have a first round pick (SF) that could well be top-five?

What's most rich about this is that the whole Pats dynasty, if you want to call it that, was built on the rock-solid foundation of a combination of shitty officiating and poorly written rules--the "Tuck" rule. Anyone who watches that game and thinks that Tom Brady was still in a throwing motion, or that such movement should be interpreted as a throwing motion, is an idiot.

Back in the old days, people who became unbearable through great success and even greater arrogance were ostracized. Everybody likes a winner, we understand. What they don't like is a braggart. So, at the risk of becoming even more annoying, I will only say this once:

Bill: We get it. You're a fan. Now shut up about the Pats already.